Navigating The Terrible Twos: A Comprehensive Guide For Parents
The “terrible twos” is a term that often strikes fear into the hearts of parents. This developmental period, typically occurring between 18-36 months, is marked by dramatic changes in behaviour and emotional intensity. While challenging, it’s also a crucial phase of growth and learning for your child.
This is a stage where children are undergoing big development changes in their lives. They are learning new skills everyday, like gross motor skills which include jumping and climbing as well as developing fine motor skills such as stacking blocks or mark making with crayons or markers.
However, their lack of verbal skills and patience may make them frustrated as they are not able to express their wants and needs which as a result leads to the outbursts that define the “terrible twos”.
The “Terrible Twos” can change dramatically depending on every child. Some toddlers will display several behavioural changes whilst parents will hardly notice any difference in others.
When do the terrible twos start?
The terrible twos can start at different times for every child but they tend to hit the hardest around the age of two. Some children are early bloomers who start to show terrible twos behaviour as early as 18 months, whilst most children begin to demonstrate the outbursts between the ages of 2 and 3.
However, it is not uncommon for the terrible twos to start after the age of 3. For parents this can be an unwelcome surprise as they might have thought that they were lucky to be over with this phase. When this happens a bit later, it is usually because of the demands of toilet training, pre-school and social life they are trying to adjust to.
Signs of the Terrible Twos
So how do you know if your child has entered their “terrible twos” phase? Here are some common behaviour which will help you identity it:
- Saying “no” more often: this is a common behaviour in many toddlers and a sign that they will usually refuse to do what you ask them to do. This is to show they have authority and their own opinions. Many times these toddlers are testing boundaries of their grown ups
- Temper Tantrums: expect frequent and intense tantrums as your child struggles to cope with their emotions.
- Increased Defiance: you might notice that your child deliberately doesn’t follow instructions or their daily routine
- Mood swings: Sudden change in behaviour and mood can be upsetting for both the child and parents. This aggressive behaviour can include biting, throwing things or breaking toys.
Other behaviours you might see in your child can include an increase in screaming or yelling, spitting, kicking or fighting (with siblings or friends). Even though this is common behaviour in the terrible twos, this does not mean your child will show each of them. Sometimes, a child will demonstrate some of these behaviours at different stages in their toddlerhood.
How To Handle The Terrible Twos?
Be calm and patient
The easiest and most effective way to deal with the terrible twos is to stay calm yourself. Easier said than done, but it’s doable and worth it in the end. Try doing some breathing exercises to allow yourself to calm down and tell yourself that this is only temporary, that your child will feel better very soon.
Adjust your expectations
Just because your child can now walk, talk and eat by themselves does not mean they can now be given more complex instructions. Keep everything nice and simple. Ignore minor misbehaviours to prevent them from escalating.
Distraction and Redirection
Use distraction as a tool to divert your child’s attention away from the source of frustration. In fact, research shows distracting is a very effective tool you can use during a tantrum.
Keep snacks handy
Sometimes the reason for your child`s tantrum is very easy: they are hungry. In this case giving them a quick and healthy snack will keep their energy levels high. Also, try to avoid going outdoors if you know your child will be hungry soon. If you have to go then make sure to take some snacks and drink with you.
Reward good behaviour
Use a reward chart to encourage and reward good behaviour. You can also do this by simply praising your child when they behave well. This is to teach them which behaviours are acceptable and which are not.
Consistent routines
Setting up a daily routine can help your child predict what is coming next and reduce anxiety and tantrums. Parents can do this by giving plenty of notice to the child to allow them to explore their independence. Toddlers love consistency and predictability. This includes regular naps and mealtimes throughout the day.
Offer two choices
Offer choices wherever you can to give your child a sense of authority, whilst still maintaining parental control. For example, in the morning you can offer two different coats and let your child choose. Here the choices you provide are both acceptable for you and at the same time they let the child take ownership of their coat. This is most likely to reduce any morning tantrums that are so very common in toddlers.
When to speak to a professional?
Not all extreme toddler behaviour can be a reason for the terrible twos. Sometimes there might be some other underlying issues going on that need close attention. If you feel your child’s behaviour is becoming more and more disruptive and dangerous to include head-banging, hurting others, destroying property or that it is starting to affect their sleep, eating habits and preschool/ daycare then it’s time to consult a professional. You child’s healthcare assistant can help you identify whether the child’s behaviour is due to developmental delays, neurological differences or other issues.
Remember that you don’t have to go through this stage on your own. There is lots of help out there you can reach out to. This is only a temporary phase in your child’s life and by staying patient and consistent you can help your child navigate this period successfully.
For more related posts click here